I invite you to join the Meandering Misfit Club for Mended Wings — a club for soaring eagles in disguise. It’s a whimsical metaphor-reminder to not take ourselves and life so seriously.

Perhaps you, too, have felt like a “you don’t belong” misfit meandering among your noisy and demanding societal bird flock. Maybe you have just been getting by and fulfilling expectations, perhaps as a successful super-achiever or professional, while ignoring or ingeniously camouflaging your broken wing.  If so, Congratulations — and welcome to the club.

I have survived psyche-splitting early childhood repetitive traumatic abuse and mind-control. My early “non-ordinary night life” of ritual abuse was coupled with a contradictory “ordinary day life” of uncompromising religious indoctrination. The subtle “you don’t belong” seed planted during those polarized venues eventually germinated decades later and launched my journey home.

If you, too, have felt the unremitting whisper of “you don’t belong,” I invite you to consider it a gentle summons to begin your journey home. Homecoming is the “Ahhh” exhale of clarity and peace. It is the living of life from the core of your being. Home is the jaw-dropping discovery of who you really are and where you do belong

You probably have already healed through many stages of your own childhood abuse, neglect and addictions – likely more mainstream then my experience, albeit equally debilitating. You, as I, may have been or are involved with psychotherapy, brain-chemistry-altering medicines and drugs, innumerable self-help books and organizations, as well as the plethora of religious paths and human development workshops and spiritual venues.

On this site I share the insights and growth learned from my ordeals and the meandering journey that mended my broken wing. They often include silly imagery tales that speak to the imaginative little child within us grownups. For metaphors often scurry past our analytical left brain entrenchment and spark surprising intuitive discernment – as well as the chuckle.

To put it in all perspective so we don’t take ourselves and life so seriously, consider the big picture: In the context of the universal infinity of all sentient life forms, we human beings live just a few seconds of drama and presentation on this earth-stage, just a few seconds upon this beautiful blue gem of a planet that seemingly hangs upon nothing in “empty” space. It is our temporary habitat, fully-provisioned for physical life. It enables humanity’s exploration and creation of both wondrous and horrific constructs – from great civilizations to mass genocides, from the child cherished and nurtured to the child sold by its mother for drugs or survival.

We experience and witness countless conflicting situations. Finally it initiates the “you don’t belong” discomfort so strongly that the search within is activated. We scrutinize our beliefs and face our fears. We pull up from deep within the courage to rock our seemingly secure family- and world-views. We, like amnesiacs, take on the exploration into the scary unknown to remember who we are and discover where we belong. And all this often begins with the soft inner nagging of “you don’t belong.”

In regards to my experience, the scope of childhood indoctrinations and secret abuse is far from mainstream and not simply summarized, for it carries through into mid-adulthood. Therefore, a sampling of the complexities and details are included in the Links tab. The links provide a sliver-view into how deep and extreme polarizations of the psyche are accomplished.

It’s been said that tragedy can either destroy you or make you better; it’s a choice.

And tragedy can make you better, even if inflicted in early childhood. Children are incredibly resilient and can hide deep down inside a seed of dormant power, ready and waiting for the right time and circumstance to open and release. A child’s resilience is kindled often with just single threads of interaction by kind and caring adults – a teacher, a relative, a neighbor, a friend’s family.

Decades later the seed germinates and the “you don’t belong” summons is insistently heard. A grown-up in mid-life may then be able to face the closeted demons and upend their world as they know it. That person may have accrued a sufficient reservoir of soul-strength and determination to take on the exhilarating and difficult initial stages. It includes the phases of awareness, acceptance and grief, along with the recognition and freedom from the countless mind-control triggers. Huzzah! How wonderful to be done with that initial core healing. It is, indeed, worth every effort.

I completed my initial core healing episodes by my early 40s. After that life-chapter closed, a door opened for safe sampling of the free-wheeling delights within the numerous healing modalities widely available. I have meandered in exploration and participation within a variety of human development programs, spiritual paths and metaphysical studies. The continuing journey for me is often three-steps up and two-steps down. However at this writing, a foundational concept that resonates profoundly is:

“To forgive is merely to remember only the loving thoughts you gave in the past and those that were given. All the rest must be forgotten.”

That is the groundwork of real freedom and clarity: awareness followed by forgiveness – ultimately of yourself!

“Forgiveness literally transforms visions, and lets you see the real world reaching quietly and gently across chaos, removing all illusions that had twisted your perception and fixed it on the past…. And the transformed past no longer conflicts with the now.” (Quotes source: The Course in Miracles, Chapter 17, Section III: “Shadows of the Past.”)

My journey is an adventurous ongoing process. It is summarized in dynamic imagery within a poem by Rumi, beloved 13^th century Persian Muslim poet and Sufi mystic: Cry Out in Your Weakness.

Who I am in sharing this is where I belong. Therefore, it is my deepest wish that you take from this work what resonates, humors and supports you on your personal, unique path back to the remembrance of who you are and the discovery of where you do belong.

In conclusion, once again, to all who feel that persistent “you don’t belong” summons, you are most welcome to join the Meandering Misfit Club for Mended Wings, the club for eagles who soar the thermals of healing adventure.

Wisdom and laughter, A happy cat: Anna rolling up her painting at expressive art retreat. Anna Ashkina *** “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds upon the heel that crushed it.” Mark Twain.